While I find it easier to write, then to talk and express my feelings... I am going to write my prayer as it comes to me... in hopes that it will fill my heart and find it's way to GOD.
"Dear HEAVENLY FATHER,
I come to you in extreme sadness over my mother in law. I need you to be with her and help her overcome her hate for me. Please help me O'LORD, help me please not let this consume me, please let me forgive and forget her hateful words. GOD, please be with me today as I try to focus on the good and not the bad things in life, guide me in the right direction and fill my heart with love. I ask you, I beg you please keep my family safe, please be with those that are hurting like me... help them overcome their pain. LORD, be with those who have been suffering this week because of the storms and weather. Thank you GOD for keeping me and my family safe from the storm. Let my heart be open to the light that you give, let me find my way. GOD, thank you for keeping my demons away this week, for letting me have another day on this beautiful earth that you have created for us to enjoy. GOD I know that you cannot keep us from harm but please be with me and help me overcome my weaknesses and help me to be a better guide for others to your word. I know GOD that I have not always been by your side, but I ask that you see I am trying, I want so desperately to have a relationship with you, I love you GOD. Thank you for sending your SON to die on the cross for our sins, so that I might have favor in your sight. God please be with our leader ... let him find his way, and try to make the best decisions he can for our country. Guide him in his heart, and show him the way for our country to flourish, if it be your will.
In JESUS name A'MEN"
My method for praying may not be for everyone, but it is my way. I think GOD sees our prayers for what they are, sincere or for show. My prayer today was sincere and I hope if you have read this... it fills your heart too.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Trying to let GOD lead me in the right direction...
I have been trying to get over this whole "Evil mother-in-law" thing... and it is harder then I ever imagined. The hard thing isn't dealing with her neglet for others feelings, or working through her hatred for me. The hard thing is that my fiance won't stand up for me, and won't acknowledge that his mother has it out for me. While I understand you need to respect your elders... and parents and etc. I do not understand how you could just let someone say hurtful and hateful things about you future wife.
She is on facebook, and deletes her own son from her friends list ... just whenever she gets upset, or frustrated at him. God knows I want to stand up to her and just tell her how hurtful she is being towards her son, but that would only cause more of a backlash and more slander towards me. I am trying to listen to the sermons at church, and listen to what others have to say. "Kill her with kindness", "pray for her", "ignore it". I am trying, but she is making it so hard.
Yesterday I signed her mothers day card. "I hope you have a great day!", that's what I put. I don't though, and I feel so fake even writing this to her. I just don't understand why she is putting her son through this. He feels so torn between the two of us. It is almost as if she is competing for his love. As if, we can not both love him in our equally yet different ways. I have to admit, I post comments on his facebook page like, I love you so much, I can't wait till we are married. Which is true!! I absolutely can't wait till we are married, I love him very much and he has been my best friend for almost 10 years. However, I can't help on some level hope she reads it and gets mad. I hope she sees it and thinks... ahhhh... he loves her, he is still going to marry her. I just feel sometimes like she is trying to sabatoge our marriage to be.
She deleted me off of his father's facebook page... lol... yes she has her ex-husbands facebook page password. Anyway, she deleted me off and has started this weird friendship with the girl my fiance was with before ... a while ago, but still it was his last serious relationship. This is the same girl that we were with behind her back. I almost think that his mother is mad at me for this as well. I know that she feels that they should have been married, but my fiance has dated plenty of girls since his last serious girlfriend and they have been seperated for about 4 or 5 years now. I can't help but vent about this. I feel like it is perhaps taking over my daily thoughts.
I am determined to let this go though, I need to start studying my bible more, and listening in bible study about forgiving our enemies, and loving those who can not love us. I really want to be that person. I want to be good, and holy, and in Gods own image. It is just so hard.
Ok, so starting today I am going to try to let this go. I need a bible scripture to go by....
Mark 11:25 (New International Version)
25)And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
She is on facebook, and deletes her own son from her friends list ... just whenever she gets upset, or frustrated at him. God knows I want to stand up to her and just tell her how hurtful she is being towards her son, but that would only cause more of a backlash and more slander towards me. I am trying to listen to the sermons at church, and listen to what others have to say. "Kill her with kindness", "pray for her", "ignore it". I am trying, but she is making it so hard.
Yesterday I signed her mothers day card. "I hope you have a great day!", that's what I put. I don't though, and I feel so fake even writing this to her. I just don't understand why she is putting her son through this. He feels so torn between the two of us. It is almost as if she is competing for his love. As if, we can not both love him in our equally yet different ways. I have to admit, I post comments on his facebook page like, I love you so much, I can't wait till we are married. Which is true!! I absolutely can't wait till we are married, I love him very much and he has been my best friend for almost 10 years. However, I can't help on some level hope she reads it and gets mad. I hope she sees it and thinks... ahhhh... he loves her, he is still going to marry her. I just feel sometimes like she is trying to sabatoge our marriage to be.
She deleted me off of his father's facebook page... lol... yes she has her ex-husbands facebook page password. Anyway, she deleted me off and has started this weird friendship with the girl my fiance was with before ... a while ago, but still it was his last serious relationship. This is the same girl that we were with behind her back. I almost think that his mother is mad at me for this as well. I know that she feels that they should have been married, but my fiance has dated plenty of girls since his last serious girlfriend and they have been seperated for about 4 or 5 years now. I can't help but vent about this. I feel like it is perhaps taking over my daily thoughts.
I am determined to let this go though, I need to start studying my bible more, and listening in bible study about forgiving our enemies, and loving those who can not love us. I really want to be that person. I want to be good, and holy, and in Gods own image. It is just so hard.
Ok, so starting today I am going to try to let this go. I need a bible scripture to go by....
Mark 11:25 (New International Version)
25)And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
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